I had a session this morning with my Psychologist who is helping me with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is one of only two sessions so far and in today’s visit we laid out a plan for me focusing on three problems. Number one is work related stress. Number two is my relationship with my boyfriend. Number three is my distance away from family. I live in a different country to them.
After the session I felt confident and that things are going to better. I went to work and was very productive in my day.
I left work with excitement to get home because it is a beautiful day. I called my boyfriend from the car to see if he was up for going for a bite to eat. He told me that he had a confession to make. My heart sank. Okay, I can deal with this. He continued to tell me that he had made two major purchases this week.
I asked him what it is, and he told me that he bought items for his music. I was stunned because for most of this week he had been upset about work and thought that he might lose his job. I spent a lot of my emotional energy in trying to make him feel better mean while he is treating himself. And to make matters worse he felt that he couldn’t tell me because he knew that I would not be happy. This then made me feel very sad because it is apparent that he doesn’t trust me and doesn’t respect my input. We live together and for most of this year the financial burdens have fallen on my shoulders. I have been worried sick with anxiety about money and my job. This spending carried on from the previous month when he bought himself an 8 string guitar and keyboard.
I feel like I am being played here. I’m the one who is upset and stressed and paying for most things, while he has spent about £1200 in the past month on himself.
I objected to his spending. I objected to his not trusting me. He however is angry with me.
I never yelled. I only told him I was upset. The conversation ended abruptly when I told him that I was sat in the car and it was getting hot. I was in the supermarket car park and I said this and if he needed anything. He hung up the phone.
I have come home to him sat at his computer ignoring me. I was upset and went in the bedroom. When he emerged I asked him to come sit with me. He was reluctant to. I went into the living room to see what he was doing. I offered to help him. He was ambivalent towards me. Then he accused me of messing up his computer. Which I did not.
Nice way to start my weekend.